What’s Jaouen Jonesing For?

My recent move from the bubble of grace and hope in the universe, that some call Boulder, to the hustle and bustle of the big city, Denver, has brought many changes to my life. Some of these changes have been great; I can go to the bars in Denver for the cost of a 10 dollar cab ride, I can see my brother more regularly, it doesn’t take me 45 minutes to get to my girlfriends house, and I live near a city center with a constant supply of entertaining activities. Some changes have been harder though; the quiet of Boulder has given way to the constant sound of traffic, the aromas of flowers in the early morning are now covered by the smell of car exhaust, and it no longer take 45 minutes to get to my girlfriend’s house, so I can’t make excuses for not visiting anymore. These issues pale though in the face of the issues I am having with getting an internet connection. I decided to move away from Comcast because of their stance on net neutrality (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, pull your head out of the sand and read a newspaper). I know that my business means nothing to Comcast, but at least I made a stand. Switching away from Comcast is a decision that I am regretting more everyday. I decided to go with Qwest for a DSL connection. I called them up and ordered their 7 meg/second high speed internet package. It sounded like great service at a great value. I was told that I would receive a modem by mail on the following Monday. When Monday came, like clockwork, the modem arrived in the mail. Like a child on Christmas morning I eagerly tore open the box and plugged the modem into the phone jack. I half expected a series of tubes to crash though my walls like the Kool-Aid man, delivering an endless supply of sweat content. Instead, nothing happened at all; the internet light on the modem just blinked at me, mocking my excitement. Thinking that it was an issue with the old sockets in my house, I proceeded to try every telephone jack in the house. Still, no internets. I decided it was time to get help, so I called up customer support. After a 5 minute wait I was connected to a woman who couldn’t seem to understand that I actually know how to plug in a DSL modem correctly. After finally establishing that the problem was on Qwest’s end, the woman told me that she would open a ticket on my issue and I could expect to hear back within an hour. Three hours later, I called Qwest and waited for a half hour while the representative tried to figure out what was going on, again. Finally, this representative told me that it would be 24 hours before the issue would be resolved. So, resigned to the fact that I would not be able to “Frag Bitches” that night, I went to bed, the seeds of unrest sewn into my subconscious. After restlessly dreaming of a world without internets, I woke the next morning and prepared myself for the fun I would have after work when the internet would be working. After a few hours I received a call from Qwest; the internets were broken somewhere near my house, they would need to send out a technician…on Thursday! I was livid; 3 more days of waiting! It should also be noted, that scheduling the guy to come out Thursday took nearly 45 minutes on hold with Qwest. So, frustrated, I waited until Thursday. When the fateful day finally came, I stayed home from work for what I was hoping would be a short morning of waiting. By noon, there was no sign of a series of tubes providing content anywhere. I called Qwest again, and again waited on hold for a half hour before being told that there was no record of Qwest needing to send someone to my house. After a furious conversation, I was assured that someone would be at my house by 6. With little faith in Qwest, I called them again at 5:30 and was told that the guy wouldn’t make it out till Saturday. After missing a full day of work waiting for the Qwest guy to show up, I was in a fabulous mood. I told Qwest that this was there last chance, internets by 10:00 am Saturday or a phone call to Comcast. Sure enough, I was connected by 9:30 am and playing team swat in Halo 3 before the technician could pack up his gear. I reflect on how simple things were back when I only had to worry about my connection speed being throttled without notice, back when I used Comcast. I have traded one monster, for an even worse monster.