A couple years ago, an intriguing rumor began to circulate across the interweb. Quietly, the rumor grew until finally speculation was on the front page of every tech site on the net. Apple was going to start selling a tablet. As the rumor gained in strength, my yearning for a MacBook Pro waned. I wanted the new hotness, and that was a tablet computer. Finally, the big day arrived. Steve jobs walked up on stage with his signature jeans and began to tell us about a magical new device, the iPad. It was awesome at first sight; a marvel of form and beauty. But slowly, as Jobsy got into the technical specifications, it became clear that this was not a magical device. It was not even a practical device. No multitasking, meaning I can’t have google talk open and browse the internet at the same time. No GPS, meaning that all location based services would be rendered useless on this device. No camera, meaning no video conferencing. Its 2000 fucking 10! I saw video chat in Aliens when I was 10 years old. That movie came out in 1986! 24 years later I still can’t video conference. What the hell? It’s not that complicated! I was hoping that the iPad would lead to some great video conferencing revolution. No longer would we be able hide behind a simple audio communications system. We would finally put an end to those annoying calls where your friend answers from the toilet. Unfortunately, Jobsy didn’t thing that was important enough to include in his magical device. Instead, he essentially took an iPod touch, removed the things that make it cool and enlarged it. Oh Apple, don’t blow our minds too much. What a fucking revolution. I feel like the entire world has changed because of the iPad. Finally, I can do exactly what you want me to do with a pad, rather than what I want to do. It’s unbelievable to me that Apple could have screwed this thing up so royally. If they had just made 3 very simple changes to the device, it would be on my wish list faster than Rachel could tear her ACL. Regardless, the new rumor is that a 15” MacPad will be released next. Apparently it will run on Mac OS 10, but I’m not holding my breath. Apple has let me down, and its going to take something fairly spectacular to gain back my trust. Maybe Jobsy has lost his edge. He has had health issues; maybe they have clouded his vision and made him think that anything shiny is magical. I imagine that early man would have thought that the iPad is magical too, but screw those ignorant bastards. The iPad is not magical, its not awesome, and I’m certainly not Jonesing for one. That said, I may get one.