What’s Jaouen Jonesing For?

Local Physics Enthusiast

DENVER – At 9:43 PM on Wednesday, local gamer and theoretical physics enthusiast Nick Jaouen stunned lower downtown with what he described as a ‘revolutionary’ particle physics joke. “He [Jaouen] just walked up to the cutest woman at the bar and delivered it. I was really impressed, his delivery was flawless,” recalls local bar fly Joe Peetz. “After he finished, the woman seemed to stare blankly at him, then turned away and began awkwardly messing with her phone. She was ice cold. I really felt for the guy. I mean, come on, who doesn’t like jokes about Fermions?” In a Thursday morning phone interview, joke recipient and physics PhD student Harmony Minors admitted that while Nick seemed to be a nice guy, his joke definitely turned her off. “Look, jokes about strange and charm quarks are just too easy. I mean, look at their names, who calls something a strange quark without expecting a couple jokes. If he really wanted to pick me up, he should have tried something with top and bottom quarks. Or he could have talked about large hadron collisions. I would have settled for a measly joke about bosons, if he delivered it forcefully.” Those close to Mr. Jaouen tell us that the failure of his joke really demoralized him. “He was different after that. He had sort of a thousand mile stare. I think he was really demoralized by the entire episode. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised when he stood up, chugged his beer and left the bar without tipping,” commented Mr. Jaouen’s wingman, Danny Holland. “He’s usually a really upbeat guy. He was so excited when we went to the bar. He said he had new material, and that it was gold. You just hate to see something like this happen.”