Indiana Jones is a story that inspired a generation of children to see adventure in the ruins and antiquities of times past. The original three movies are classic masterpieces of adventure, filled with fun jokes and cool special effects. There is little doubt though that the newest movie in the franchise is an amazing disappointment. From the start of the first scene, the movie is set up to be a spectacular failure. After leaving Indiana Jones last night I thought to myself, “I could have been at home watching paint dry…at least that would have made some sense.” The entire movie is a string of impossible events with almost no cohesive bond to keep them moving. I can understand surviving a thermonuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator, but aliens? This is another case of a simple concept that I have understood since the last batch of Star Wars movies came out; don’t let George Lucas write your script. George Lucas’ idea of writing is a combination of horribly cliché dialog mixed with strings of action events whos order is decided by random chance and not a grand design. Its not like the script matters much, it has to be performed by an all-star cast who seem to have forgotten how to act. Harrison Ford is getting so old that it wouldn’t surprise me to hear that the movie studio doubles as a geriatrics facility. Shia LaBeouf gives an excellent performance as Jones’s annoying son, if by excellent you mean shitty. His lackluster performance is punctuated by the horrible direction of this Spielberg train wreck. If you haven’t seen it yet, do yourself a favor, paint a wall and watch it dry…trust me, you will enjoy the experience more. With absolutely no redeeming value, I give Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 1 crappy crystal skull out of 5.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
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Jaouen, you must have taken off those rose covered glasses you wore for the first three movies when you went and saw the newest addition to the Indiana Jones franchise. All of the plots have been absurd and slightly fanciful, that’s why we loved them. As a proclaimed atheist J, I thought you would be more receptive to a plot where aliens are responsible for the advancements of early society than the unapologetic Judeo-Christian themed plots in ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ and ‘Last Crusade.’ Why can’t aliens coexist in a fictional universe where a 500 year old Knight Templar protects the Holy Grail, from which a single drink can heal a fatal bullet wound? You lost your imagination J-dazzle (now officially J-fizzle). What of the magical stones that help a cult of blood thirsty/human sacrificers enslave the children in a region of India? Part of the lure of the Indiana Jones’ world is the junction of the possible and impossible. You have college professor Dr. Jone’s who is grounded in academia and the need for quantitative proof in his findings and yet he encounters so many unbelievable phenomena.
I will cede to you several points on your critique. George Lucas should stay away from scripts. He’s an idea guy, a big picture guy, but damn if doesn’t fuck up the details. The dialog wasn’t much better than a weekday afternoon soap, but I didn’t come to the theater to watch a character driven drama, so it wasn’t a huge sticking point for me. You are right, the storyline isn’t as fluid as it could be, Mutt (Shia LeBeoulf) is forced upon us for some convenient reason that is all too obvious and Merian and Indiana too quickly reconcile (once again showing how little Lucas knows of romance-can you say Padmae and Aniken.) Plus, I hated the damn Tarzan scene, utterly lame and completely unnecessary.
However, I thought the chase scenes and much of the action sequences were fun and in general well executed, but it never quite reached the level set by the tank scene in the Last Crusade (cinematic magic).
In general J, you may have suffered from what I like to call getting old. You may have lost that spark of imagination that allowed you to enjoy the original three.
Comment by Airek — May 28, 2008 @ 9:59 am
I really wanted to like the movie. I read this review before going and many others that were less than positive. (Nick still encouraged me to go, after all it IS Indiana Jones on the big screen).
After seeing the movie. I have to agree that some of the situations were beyond absurd. Not because of the fantastical nature of the situations (which are indeed in all of the movies), but the fact that they have no meaning to the overall plot. The whole refrigerator situation… what was the point? There was no purpose to this scene and it only served to what… show how tough he is? I just didn’t jive with that. Dude ripping hearts out of people’s chest is “fantastical” but served the overall plot. Surviving a nuclear blast… not so much. I can suspend my disbelief, but that was over the top, even for Indy.
The other problem I had with the movie was the lack of sleuthing. All the other movies had an element of discovery, of problem solving melded into the adventure. Not so with this film. All the answers were there. Even finding the skull and the place to return it were… very “easy.” I didn’t feel that suspense or sense of discovery that the other movies offered.
In the end I’d have to agree that this movie was, though not horrible, a piss-poor addition to the trilogy. My biggest fear now is that we will see Indy the 3rd movies…..
Comment by Rob — June 11, 2008 @ 3:09 pm