Indiana Jones is a story that inspired a generation of children to see adventure in the ruins and antiquities of times past. The original three movies are classic masterpieces of adventure, filled with fun jokes and cool special effects. There is little doubt though that the newest movie in the franchise is an amazing disappointment. From the start of the first scene, the movie is set up to be a spectacular failure. After leaving Indiana Jones last night I thought to myself, “I could have been at home watching paint dry…at least that would have made some sense.” The entire movie is a string of impossible events with almost no cohesive bond to keep them moving. I can understand surviving a thermonuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator, but aliens? This is another case of a simple concept that I have understood since the last batch of Star Wars movies came out; don’t let George Lucas write your script. George Lucas’ idea of writing is a combination of horribly cliché dialog mixed with strings of action events whos order is decided by random chance and not a grand design. Its not like the script matters much, it has to be performed by an all-star cast who seem to have forgotten how to act. Harrison Ford is getting so old that it wouldn’t surprise me to hear that the movie studio doubles as a geriatrics facility. Shia LaBeouf gives an excellent performance as Jones’s annoying son, if by excellent you mean shitty. His lackluster performance is punctuated by the horrible direction of this Spielberg train wreck. If you haven’t seen it yet, do yourself a favor, paint a wall and watch it dry…trust me, you will enjoy the experience more. With absolutely no redeeming value, I give Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 1 crappy crystal skull out of 5.