The guys over at Emotiv Systems have made a giant step toward a brave new neurally controlled world. Not only is this thing stylish enough for even the most formal occasions, it can read your mind too! One major hurdle remains for the Emotiv team. There are unconfirmed reports that the device cannot comprehend the infinitely complex mingling of inane babble and twisted logic present in the female psyche. For years scientists have been perplexed by the minds of women. So, it should come as no surprise that the first generation of mind reading devices lack the patience to deal with the female mind. Rumor also has it that the second generation will feature an integrated retro-encabulator!
posted by Jaouen at 9:33 am
A couple dumb Americans have files suit (in the US courts) against the makers of the Large Hadron Collider, stating that it is a doomsday device that should not be used. They are calling for a review of the safety of using the machine. Interestingly enough, the very people who are smart enough to assess whether the machine is safe, are the very people who designed and built it in the first place. It’s also a little bit outside of the jurisdiction of the United States court system, as the Collider is under the French and Swiss boarder. Those issues aside, the actual probability of creating a microscopic black hole is astronomically small. Even so, if one was created, it would evaporate away in moments, rather than swallow the planet. There are a couple of other extremely unlikely scenarios that these jackasses have come up with as well. What it comes down to is sacking up and allowing some experimentation. We could just as easily be wiped out by a meteor tomorrow. Worrying about death and doomsday scenarios only serves to make people forget about living.
posted by Jaouen at 9:15 am
A Bugatti Veyron
The finest automobile ever made, period. This car is so fast, it could drive 30 miles in the time it takes Danny to turn off his alarm in the morning. The 1.5 million dollar price tag hurts the team, but considering you have 24/7 access to mechanics that get flown in from Europe to fix the car, it may be worth it. Oh, and there is the whole 250 Mph top speed and 2.46 second 0-60. This car can wait until a McLairen F1 reaches 100 Mph and still beat it to 200 from a dead stop. That is Jones worthy.
posted by Jaouen at 1:58 pm
A NEW PLANET
Recently, a 160 square mile section of the Wilkins Ice Shelf disintegrated due to rapid climate change. This is yet another step in a path that ends in Denver becoming beach front property. Find your sunscreen kids, the planet is about to get hotter than those photos of Jess that Danny “leaked” .
posted by Jaouen at 10:14 am
Nihon Uni shirts resist stabbing
This is my kind of shirt, comfortable, machine washable, dryer safe, color safe, and best of all, it resists bladed weapons. Perfect for the budding revolutionary, this lightweight shirt can actually stop its wearer from being wounded in a knife fight with the federalies. Now, if it just had a catchy phrase written on the front like, “Stab this!” or “Cut Me Some Slack!” , or even “That’s not a knife, this is a knife” with a picture of a spoon on the back.
posted by Jaouen at 2:57 pm